I write mostly to apologize. Not for having curly hair but to the girl with whom I sat on the bus from New York City to Worcester, Mass. My opening line was precisely this; “Do you ever straighten your hair?” I could just kick myself for it now. As a curly haired girl, I should have known better. How offensive. I was just trying to throw out an opening line that might invite you to see we have but one thing in common. If you were offended or something of the sort, I’m sorry. I can relate as I know the feelings of anger and frustration that tear through me when I’m asked of the mall kiosk sales attack-man, “Please please ma’am. Let me show you how well this straightener works.” As if the very idea of straightening one’s hair might make them a better person? Or worse yet, might make them appear better? Where did this idea of only straight hair being sexy come from? Thank you very much Gwyneth Paltrow. (You had to be blonde too, didn’t you?) The only people who should be allowed to ask a curly haired girl if she straightens her hair, or if she’d like to, is another curly haired girl. Which I am. So I shouldn’t feel bad...but my hair was pulled back on the bus ride, so I do. But I’m sure she understood. And as we continued to talk about products (don’t worry curly haired readers, I’ll get there) and irons, literally, and pony tails until we were adults, and unsympathetic siblings, we began to bond over the issue. And what is this issue? In short it’s the curly hair issue, also known as the life-long membership to the Curly-Haired Girls Club.
You know the club if you’re in it. Membership requirements include:
*Dreading rainy days and summer months
*Hair ties, plural, around your wrist (and a complete nervous meltdown if you happen to be so frazzled about something in addition to your hair, you look down and see your hair band is somehow not there!)
*Notorious slow moving until you hair has completely dried
*Similarly and just as important, avoiding touching or God-forbid having someone touch your hair when it’s wet
*And last, but of course not least, having a bathroom shelf look akin to that of a shelf in the hair isle of your local Walgreen’s.
For those who don’t know, there are different kinds of curls. There are Botticelli curls which are of course the best kind because I have those kinds of curls. They’re the kind of curls that make other women envious, the I-wish-I-had-her-hair curls. The kind of curls you see in, yep you guessed it, Botticelli paintings. Hello Venus. Then there are corkscrew curls which would be the kind of curls that make one look at a woman who has them and say “yikes! how does she manage?”. Cupid curls would be the ones that appear the woman styled her hair with pencils, some hot glue and a lot of hairspray. These would be those tight curls that defy gravity - a walking everyday science experiment. *Beware of Southern climates* There are wavy curls, the non-curl curl. These are the women who stake claim to living the unpredictable life of a curly haired women, but mostly have no right in their saying so. They have curly hair with training wheels. They spend ten minutes instead of sixty straightening their hair. Nice try ladies, but make your own club. I like your hair though, Sandra Oh. Lastly you have the idealized and fantasized banana curls. Cue Shirley Temple, those clogging Irish girls and most Gil Elvgren ladies of the 50’s art era. Need I say more?
The thing about curls is that they a personality all to themselves. They demand at times to be straightened or pulled back. I say pulled back as if it’s an easy and quick thing to do. It can be, but it takes practice and a mirror. Then you have to determine which hair tie you have around your wrist best suits your current situation. Are the curls just in your way but need to be preserved for later? That’s a tight tie once around. Are they driving you nuts and you don’t have anything to do but cook dinner and work out later? That’s a medium tight tie, two or three times around - and maybe even an updo depending on your level of frustration. Are you sort of hoping they’re going to stay nice but you don’t necessarily need them to be down later? That’s a loose tie twice around. You see where this is going... They sometimes get lazy, wake up late, go to sleep early and don’t show up when they should. They’re finicky and controlling. No, you can’t go swimming right now, you just got out of the shower and did your hair. They have a short working day. From door to door between each shower, they likely only make a good appearance for, at best four hours. That can depend on your kind of curl. But let’s average it and say you’d better only have one important thing planned for the day unless you live nearby and don’t mind taking showers. Sometimes they make you think, I’ll diffuse today - no, not every situation of the day - but just my curls this morning after the shower. In which case your ends will look like they’ve been through hell and back just so your crown can have some body. It’s give and take - all the time. They may get mad at decide to separate from one another, perfectly rejecting the idea of teamwork. Enter hair tie. And on humid days, the headband. The product and the straightening is a whole other animal really. Product. How much? What kind? Applied all over or just to the tips? A different product to the tips than the root? It’s a never ending battle of do’s and don’ts. My best advice? Never use more than two quarters worth (and I have long hair). And stick to clear or lighter colored creams. Never, I repeat NEVER gels. As far as straightening goes, stick to the winter months and if patience isn’t a virtue, I’d get used to the look au naturel.
But as much as we complain and make fun, or as we may never forget get made fun of, curly hair has it’s plusses (and I think we’ve discovered minuses). We are the envy of every flat-haired woman in the world. They look at us and fume, “Right there! That! Why can’t I have that?! That’s exactly what I want. Is that so hard? And here I have to slave over the curlers for an hour just to have them fall out after twenty minutes. I bet that girl doesn’t even do anything. She just combs her hair and walks out the door!” Yes ma’am, it’s true. I do comb and walk, just about everyday. What you don’t know is it comes with the price I’ve already mentioned. But knowing what I do know, and hearing my mom say those same words near verbatim, I’ll take the good, the bad and the curly every time. Another plus? We’re almost always cute. There is something about seeing a good girl with curly hair that just puts you in that happy place. Maybe it’s a childhood memory or a friend you know who’s hair looks like that. Or maybe, it reminds you of that time you decided (the worst decision of your life yet) to get a perm. And it reminds you of how wrong you were when you thought getting a perm would make your hair look like any curly haired girl's hairs. Nice try. Membership only applies once, from the beginning and it lasts a lot longer than your perm. I’d be remiss if I didn’t say a benefit was that our curly hair gives us character. Cliche maybe? But how boring are those girls who had to put a pink bow in their hair in 7th grade because it was the only thing that made their hair different from anyone else’s with straight hair. We curly haired girls are so unique. Our hair never looks the same twice. We are a year round snowflake, different with every wash. Plus, I think I heard somewhere that curly haired girls are smarter. Yes I’m certain I read that in a medical journal once.
So please forgive me bus companion, with your adorable corkscrew curls you tied back over and over and over again. As you see here I’ve been bothered that I didn’t give us a better more acquainted introduction and flash my club card at you with the secret handshake. I hope one day we’ll meet again. Perhaps then we’ll have stumbled upon a newer and even better product than the ones we discussed last time that we can share.
For those interested: my go-to never fail product for both air and blowdry is Aveda Be Curly and Infusium 23's leave-in treatment. Also surprisingly good for the cheap stuff is Aussie Mousse + Leave In Conditioner. I usually stray from mousses but this one's not bad.
